Numb
by Kaiyote
Summary: This is how it ends…after all these years…tired of it all…hopelessly helplessly broken apart. TJ. Death fic.


**Title:** Numb   
**Email:** vardametwen@yahoo.com   
**Rating:** PG / PG-13   
**Paring:** Tobias/Jake   
**Summary:** this is how it ends…after all these years…tired of it all…hopelessly helplessly broken apart   
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Animorphs oh how I wish I could. Oh, and I don't own The Cure's song Numb.   
**Warning:** death fic. Kinda AU…I guess. I don't really know what's in the Animorph's universe anymore, but I think this makes sense.   
**Notes:** I got this idea when I had The Cures song Numb stuck in my head. And I just started thinking about how the song could fit in with Tobias and…well…this is it. Don't really know if my spelling is too good, but oh well. Part of song lyrics included at the end (goes w/the fic). And Italics are flash backs. If any one likes it I may be up for a prequel.   
  
  
  
  
**Numb by Kaiyote**   
  
  
Tobias cried softly. 

He did that all the time now. What else was there to do in this new horrifying world. Everyone he loved was dead, or a slave to the Yeerks, he was the only one left. He cried softly as he thought that; of course he was the only one left, he was coward that's how he survived. The only reason, because he was a stupid coward. 

A stupid coward who left his friends and his only love to fight the Yeerks by themselves. He can still remember there screams, Jake most of all. He still remembered Jake screaming for him to get away, to run. He still remembered his screams as his head was forced down...but most of all he remembers his last words, "Run! I love you! Always!" His heart wrenched as he thought that.

He can remember other things too. He can remember Cassie desperately trying to morph into some animal who could stop the Yeerks a little, and that was because she wanted her friends to live instead of her. He remembers Marco pushing Cassie out of the way as some strange weapon was fired upon her, Marco taking the blow. Cassie trying to help him, but was forced into the same position as Jake.

Tobias thoughts ran back to Cassie trying to save her friend and a voice inside Tobias's head smirked at this and said, ' Oh, yeah. What a great friend. If you even call him a friend, more like a poor pathetic loser who only thinks about himself.'

Tobias wanted to justify himself at that remark but only came up with empty words. He did care about other people, but that wasn't enough. All he wanted to do was save Jake - his friends- the planet. But he was just a boy playing a man who pretended to be a super hero.

Tobias thoughts drifted back to the coward part too, Jake was right when he said he was a coward...

  
  
  


"Tobias!" Jake yelled angrily, it didn't even sound like a yell it was a strange mix of anyone had ever said something hateful to another person. 

Tobias walked over to him cautiously with his head bowed. Jake lifted up Tobias's head then punched him. Tobias stifled a whimper as the happened and took the beating Jake was giving him silently. 

Finally Jake stopped, after Tobias had not moved for several minutes on the ground. Jake face was so hurt as Tobias looked up and saw his face. 

"Get up," Jake whispered in a calm voice, as if the beating he had just given him had never happened. 

Tobias did slowly, fearful of what would happen next. 

"You could've saved her," the whisper from Jake was almost so soundless that Tobias could barely hear him, but in a matter of seconds he did loud and clear. 

"You could have saved her!" Jake shouted viciously, as he grabbed onto Tobias's shirt collar, "you could have saved her..." 

Jake let go of Tobias's collar and continued," You could have saved her, but you didn't. You were just a stupid fucking coward, you don't even deserve to be an Animorph..." 

The words slipped out of Jakes mouth before he could stop them, he new he shouldn't of said that. But somewhere in his heart he felt that, or at least did that right at that moment. 

Tobias could feel tears in his eyes; he never thought Jake felt that way. He knew Jake was hurting since it had only been a day since Rachel died, but he missed her too. But he couldn't stop the tears from coming then, and he couldn't help but feeling guilty about Rachel's death. He couldn't help feeling that Jake was right when he said he didn't even deserve to be an Animorph. 

"Tobias," Jake said gentler while putting a hand on his shoulder. Before Jake could continue Tobias shrugged Jakes hand off. 

"You're right," Tobias whispered, morphing into a hawk and flying away into the dark nights sky. 

"Tobias, wait, come back! I didn't mean to say that!" Jake shouted as he flew away. 

And Tobias couldn't help thinking, 'But you did.' 

...And now Jake was gone. Everyone was gone. He was all alone. The only thing he hadn't lost was the voice in his head reminding him that it was all his fault. Tobias knew he should have fought, should have. But he had lost all hope as Jake was captured. Even as he was running far away from the battle scene he knew he should at least stayed by Jake just a little longer. Even though he didn't want to watch him being controlled by the Yeerk in his brain; didn't want him seeing Jake killing Ax with the same strange weapon that had took countless lives including Marco's and Rachel's'. 

So now he sat on the cold ground of another forest he ran to while hiding. He could only last a little longer, thought the physical pain was subsiding, the mental pain was killing him. He could barely even morph any more. He longed to die, hoping there was an after life where he could see the ones he loved, hoping he could see the only one he truly lo-loved. He wished he could see Jake; it was the last thing he wanted. To see his real Jake, to see the one who wasn't a Yeerk. 

He ducked on the ground lower as he heard voices. He could barely make out any words, but it didn't matter when he heard his sweet Jake talking. He finally understood now what they were saying. 

"I believe he's around here sir," someone said. 

"Good..." he heard Jake say. 

Maybe his last wish would come true, even if he could only see Jakes body. Silently he took out the blade that had been in his pocket forever. He looked over it again, finally making the desision he couldn't make for the past week. He would die; if not by his lo- his former love, then by himself. 

He stood up slowly knowing that they would hear the sound and come running to him. 

He saw he precious Jake came through the trees and bushes. 

"There he is! Get him!" 

The various people and...creatures pulled out the same weapon which killed Marco. 

Before they could kill him Tobias slit his wrist and looked Jake deeply in the eyes as he feel to the ground. 

"I'll love you! Always! I love you...Jake!" Tobias whispered as the cold hand of death drew the life out of him. 

"Leave his body hear to rot..." The Yeerk in Jake said in an evil voice. 

As he did the Yeerk could even he Jakes over powering thought. 

There was one scream from Jake, one word," No!" 

  
  


The unfortunate end. 

  
  
yeah this is how it ends   
after all these years   
tired of it all   
hopelessly helplessly broken apart   
he finally falls   
he doesn't want to think   
doesn't want to feel   
doesn't want to know what's going on   
says there's nothing he can do will change anything   
he doesn't want to know what's going wrong   
he really doesn't care anymore   
anymore...   
worn-out and empty and all alone   
with nothing left to say   
oh it's all too big to make a difference   
everything is too unfair   
everything too much to bear   
he doesn't have the strength left for the fight 


End file.
